Facebook

I remember when I first signed up for Facebook.  It was junior year of college, and you had to have an affiliated university email to sign up.  I remember thinking it was pretty cool, since there was a feature that connected you to everyone who was in the same class as you.  One of my first acts on Facebook was to message a girl I kind of knew in my organizational behavior class, asking her if there was any homework due the next day.

Fast forward eight years, and for some reason, I've been off of Facebook for almost two years.  Well, the reason is actually pretty simple--I entered my password incorrectly a few times, was locked out, and my Facebook account was tied to my UC Berkeley email (which I no longer had access to), meaning that there was no way for me to reset my password.  I never ended up signing up for another account, but it was probably due more to sheer laziness than anything else.

Rewind a couple years though.  From what I remember, Facebook's main purpose back then was to allow you to "stalk" people.  Since most users in your network were basically your peers, no one ever felt compelled to censor their posts, set up privacy settings, or worry about their image.  It was basically a forum for college students to show off their lives to each other, for better or for worse.  You could get a window into the life of someone you barely knew.  To some extent, it was the next step in the evolution of the Internet geek.  Before, you had to talk to girls directly.  With the advent of the Internet, you could hide behind IMing.  With the advent of Facebook, you could poke or send an innocuous friend request.  Remember that high school crush you barely talked to?  Well, you could Facebook her and see what she was up to.  Maybe these connections would ultimately lead to nothing, but there was the slight chance that the new you could attract the old crush.  It's a bit funny in hindsight.  As much as we always try to move forward in life, a part of us will always be tied to our formative years, of trying to fit in, of trying to look cool, be popular, be "successful," whatever that term may mean.  Facebook found a way to bring that desire to everyone every day, instead of forcing us to wait until our high school reunions.  

I've been debating whether to go back to Facebook.  It does seem like an easier place to meet friends--rather than being forward and going through the awkwardness of hanging out, feeling out people's likes/dislikes, you can monitor each other through Facebook, develop a bond by posting comments on each other's walls (or is it timelines now?), and develop a rapport online before meeting.  And being in a new city where you don't have the bonds of your past, that could be pretty helpful, especially since I've been told numerous times that I'm a hard man to know.  So why can't I seem to make myself take the plunge?

I'm not particularly interested in going to my high school reunions.  Thinking back to when I was a Facebook user, my network wasn't much wider than the circle of people I still talk to today.  So for me, I never fully embraced the connect with anyone mentality.  And with today's Facebook, I think you need to have that mentality to get the most out of it.  It's no longer the "stalking" vehicle it once was, as everyone has gotten access to Facebook, from employers to relatives.  So Facebook has lost a bit of its edge, as people have gotten much more careful about what they post and who they allow access to.  It has evolved to become a bit one-sided in a way.  People only put their best selves on Facebook--I'm not sure there is even a "dislike" feature (I randomly have access to Facebook when ew goes on).  The Atlantic put out an article last month asking if Facebook was making us lonely, because people see how "awesome" everyone's life is, and inevitably, if you're surfing Facebook at home, you're not out doing everything everyone else is.

Some people feed off of this.  It makes them feel connected to what's going on.  But it's why I have problems living in big cities like New York or Tokyo, even Singapore to some extent.  It does make me feel lonely.  I don't want to relive high school in the sense that I have to figure out where the happening parties are every weekend.  I don't want that pressure to always be doing something, to always be a part of a happening group/movement/trend.  I was recently in San Francisco, and even there, the vibe is becoming increasingly judgmental in this way.  If you're not part of the tech, hipster, artisanal products crowd, you're supposedly missing out on life.  

Something that has stuck with me is David Choe's comment that he thought Facebook was a completely ridiculous idea (despite now having hundreds of millions from it for providing artwork).  But when we think about how we interact with people, it doesn't seem so ludicrous.  People want to fit in.  The only thing that changes is the popular crowd.  In high school, it's usually the athletes.  Depending on your where you live, it's the entrepreneurs or politicians or bankers or artists.  And Facebook gives us that means to constantly check where we are relative to that crowd.

In writing this, I'm reminded of westerns like Lonesome Dove and All the Pretty Horses.  Characters like Call and John Grady Cole.  Loners who went against the current of the day, not caring that being a cowboy was no longer considered cool.  Maybe I gravitate toward those characters because I also yearn for that peace that comes from being alone.  Well, not alone in a literal sense, as Call had Gus and John Grady Cole had Lacey, but in the sense that a few real relationships are enough to get you through the day.  Is it necessary for us to connect with everyone?  I think about the trips I've taken to remote places, like Ladakh or Kedougou, and never once did I feel the need to check Internets, as I was able to really bond with ew, my sister, st, and dk.  Even in non-remote places like my trip to San Francisco, the intensity of being with vl, st, cl, and lb was enough such that I didn't need to find out what else was going on (and actually once lb used technology to find out what was going on, I would say the tenor of the evening changed).  I guess what I'm finally getting at is that maybe for now, I'll continue to be that cowboy, pushing against a sea of change.  And whether that gets me branded as uncool, I'm OK with that, as long as I have friends who are willing to take a ride with me every now and then.