St recently asked me if I had a copy of the vows I wrote for my wedding. I didn't think I had kept it anywhere, but somehow I found it in my gmail inbox. To ew:
It took me a really long time to think about what I wanted
to say in these vows. I contemplated
whether I should talk about how we met and fell in love. Or if I should talk about all the things I
love about you. Or if I should tell you
what exactly it is I am vowing to you.
But no matter what I thought about, it always came back to a single
theme, and that is what love really means to me.
People love good stories.
Love at first sight. Meant to
be. Stories you read about or see in
movies. Destiny and serendipity finding
a way to bring soul mates together. Our
story has never really been like that.
We were friends, then good friends, then boyfriend and girlfriend, then
best friends. We had chemistry from the
start, but I don’t think either one of us could honestly say upon first meeting
that we knew we were made for each other.
But you know what? I think those
stories have it backward. You don’t just
happen to meet your soul mate, you find your soul mate. Because I do believe we are meant to be, but not
because of some unexplainable magic, but because of our love for each other,
because of what love means to both of us.
It’s easy to be in love.
I think most people who marry have good intentions and that they love
each other. But you constantly hear
about how people fall out of love. And I
think that’s because love isn’t easy.
Things don’t magically work out because you love each other. I know this, because many times in our
relationship I’ve tried that approach. I
will admit this to you now, but after some arguments where I thought I was
right, I would intentionally close up hoping you’d magically see my
viewpoint. I’m not sure this ever worked. You know what did work? Open communication with each other, and a
desire to see things from each other’s perspective. Also, I’m not sure we would have made it
through long distance if we just counted on love pulling us through. It took lots of effort, from arranging visits
every month, to balancing our time with each other, family, and friends, to
talking through problems late into the night, even when we were exhausted from
a long workday.
What I’m trying to say is that being in love doesn’t mean
anything unless you act on that love. To
take the time and effort to communicate openly, to show affection, to
compromise, to trust, to take chances together, to support each other, to want
to pursue the other one’s happiness. And
that is how I know we are soul mates.
Because you make me want to do all of those things. From simple things like eating healthier and
proper skin care, to much more complex and difficult things like understanding
and supporting a Ph.D. candidate who is also planning a wedding and
interviewing for jobs. I know that
we are very different people. You’re
more nervous than me. I’m more
adventurous. You’re more compassionate
and kind. I’m more mischievous. But I know that we both love each other in a
way that makes us always want to understand each other and pushes us to become
better, more complete people. And I know
that our love and marriage will be incredible because of that. I love you.
No comments:
Post a Comment