Best Weekend Ever

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything.  It was a busy month of October, with the wedding and trip to Japan, and then getting resettled back to reality.  I’m not sure where to pick up, so I’ll just go through the past 12 months of planning that ultimately resulted in the best weekend ever.

There are lots of things to worry about for a wedding.  Big details like the venue and vendors.  Little details like escort cards, table settings, schedule.  And there’s the worry of coordinating all these details between the vendors and venue and friends and family helping out.  This is why people say you should pay for a coordinator.  But at the end of the day, I’m not sure if you really need one.  Our venue had a recommended vendor list, and everyone had worked together extensively off this list, so our caterer and DJ really helped coordinate the schedule and events of the day.  They talked to our photographer, the people making toasts, and the venue to make everything flow seamlessly.  There are little details like setting up favors and table settings, but those tasks are generally things family and friends are more than happy to do.  The only spot where a coordinator may have been useful is in the ceremony, but really, once you get someone who can cue the musician, it’s not very necessary.

Food is important.  So many weddings are stereotyped with having bad wedding food.  But if there is good food, I think people are generally happier and it always seems like a big, pleasant surprise.  A lot of venues these days have food prepared on site; our venue let us hire a caterer, which I believe is the way to go, because (1) they specialize in food, and (2) allowing some competition only makes the quality better.

Apparel can be a nightmare.  Not just men’s apparel but female apparel.  For men, apparently Men’s Wearhouse has some form of monopoly on tux rentals.  And despite giving them explicit instructions on what the groomsmen are wearing and taking size measurements, they still manage to screw up.  If we didn’t try on the apparel early, we wouldn’t have had time to get the alterations done.  My jacket and pants would have been too short, cl would have had MC Hammer pants, and ay would have had a shirt two sizes too big for him … wait, ay didn’t have time to get alterations.  And this doesn’t even speak to the nightmare that was the bridesmaid dress.  For females, what is the point of taking measurements, wait six months for the dress, and have to alter it anyway?  This makes absolutely no sense.  Ew was able to find a dress in Hong Kong, alter it to her size, and take it home within 2 days.  I’m pretty sure Hong Kong is not any more developed than the U.S.  And back to the bridesmaid dress, never, I repeat, never order from Bari Jay.  Not only did their dresses come in the wrong size, they claimed no responsibility and when ew complained to the BBB, they actually tried to fight ew on that claim.

Sometimes you have to let things go.  Nothing will happen exactly the way you imagine it will.  People always say that, and you kind of half-heartedly acknowledge it, but this is a truth that everyone should come to grips with.  Is one caterer worth 2x more than the other one?  Does the photographer really need to come an hour and a half out of the way to capture certain shots for half an hour?  Do all Chinese traditions need to be followed exactly?  The groomsmen boutonnieres may be the wrong color.  The bustle may not be high enough for the dance.  Shoes for the other dress may have been forgotten.  Table arrangements may look different from when you picture it on a piece of paper.  Photographs may not have captured every single aspect of the wedding.  I’ll admit, it’s hard letting everything go.  Everyone has a vision for what they want and this day only happens once.  But when I think about the day, my best memories don’t come from these little details.  All of that eventually becomes a blur.  What I remember is the emotional warmth of the day, from celebrating a truly momentous occasion with people who are there to support you.

Family and friends are the most important part of a wedding.  Ew and I had talked about how we didn’t want to deal with the stress of planning a wedding, from managing our vendors to appeasing our parents’ requests.  We talked about how eloping actually seemed like a fairly nice option; and after hearing the perspectives of many others, eloping did seem like a good choice.  But if I did it all over again, I don’t think the wedding would have been the best weekend ever without family and friends.  Ew and I are fairly private in our relationship.  We don’t really have public displays of affection; we don’t call each other pet names in public.  Eloping seems like it might have fit our personalities better.  We don’t like being the center of attention (at least ew doesn’t).  But ew’s cousin told us, “this isn’t a show, everyone’s here to support you,” and that’s what you have to realize.  All the attempts at appeasing everyone, of making sure the food and music are good, that guests are comfortable … all those people ultimately don’t care as much about that stuff as they do about being a part of the wedding celebration (at least if they are true family and friends).  And that’s what makes a wedding a wedding, from the help of liz’s family, to the ceremony performed by my sister, to the skit from the groomsmen, to the attention to detail by the bridesmaids, to the joyous smiles of family and friends seeing people dear to them get married.  And that’s how a private couple ends up being the center of a circle while Bruno Mars’s “Just the Way You Are” plays with everyone singing and holding each other, cherishing our bonds of friendship and love.